Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Shit Drawers

Yes, I totally just titled a blog post "Shit Drawers" because that is what this post is about...if it offends, you might want to go elsewhere before I have to get all Mr. Miyagi on your ass.

So sweet Lucy isn't quite a baby anymore but more like a young lady...she got what every girl waits for--to feel like they have become a big girl one of the older, wiser girls...the monthly visitor, the Aunt Flo. And let me tell you, you can say what you want about dogs not being much like people, etc...but there is a definite likeness in the fact that homegirl was MOODY and PISSY right before this blessed event took place. All of a sudden we were noticing that she was quiet, kept off to herself and seemed sad. We wondered what was wrong. Then a few days later she was practically biting Brinkley's head off because she wanted HIS bone that he already had. We wondered what was wrong. Then when the blood came we didn't have to wonder anymore. And goodness gracious, we can't wait for her body to get back to normal so that she can have a magical little surgery to make it all go away!

It has been exhausting. The doggie diapers didn't work because they wouldn't stay up on her hips...so we gave her what we like to call her BIG GIRL PANTIES.

It's completely sick and wrong. We know this. But what are you gonna do?! She can't drip all over the house. I had some old skinny, college girl panties...geez...I'm talking about MY own....you know ones you like a whole lot and they still look new but for whatever reason like maybe they rode into my unknowns more than I liked or my ass hung out of them after a few years...in the back of my drawer that I just hadn't been able to part with. They are good panties after all, just not particularly for me and who ya gonna give your old but new panties too?!

Anyway, we put them on her, cut a tail hole, cinched them up with a safety pin and TADA...BIG GIRL PANTIES for Lucy.

Now she can look like a little white trash red-neck child like my old neighbor's kids in Valdosta---when she'd let them play in the front yard in their panties only (on a paved, busy street) and then would use the lice comb on them on the front porch because they couldn't go back to school until the "all clear" was given AGAIN.

So the invention worked great and we joked about how awful it would be if we ever forgot to leave the panties on when it was time to go potty outside. Hmm...foreshadowing. Yesterday was a sucky sucky day--see post below this one---and the perfect time for shit drawers.

I was preparing our plates for dinner and the dogs had just eaten so it was a potty break time---a time usually for a good after dinner poop. Julie rushed the dogs out, and forgot about BIG GIRL PANTIES.

When we called the dogs back in, Lucy for some reason didn't run right back up to the door right away. When we saw her, we immediately noticed the heavy, sagging panties...in the back region. Yikes. We are asses. We made our sweet dog get real life shit drawers. This was the icing on the cake of the day. Yet though it was so pitiful and Julie felt so guilty---it was still laughable. I had to laugh out loud. The fact that she sat down because of being afraid of her heavy panties...made the mess more interesting to clean up.

Lucy's fine and I'm glad she won't be going on Dr. Phil anytime soon to rat us out. It's a story that won't soon be forgotten and got some laughter that was so hard tears came from us and friends we relayed the story to.

Look how's she's looking at me like she knows it's just not right:
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Very wrong! And I'm not so sure if lime green is her color:
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Nikki is not at all sure about Lucy's issues:
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She's completely embarrassed for Lucy and has to turn away:
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So I'm wearing some panties, what of?!
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2 comments:

monkey December 4, 2008 at 12:22 AM  

um...
dogs get their period?
i'm so freaked out right now.
this is why i've had cats all my life.
whoa.
this is going to freak me out for the rest of the night.

on the brighter side...
lucy looks so cute in her undies.

p.s. bryan just informed me that cats get their periods, too. i'm even more freaked out than i thought possible.
i said, cheeto never did.
he reminded me that cheeto was fixed when i got her because i got her from the humane society.
but, dude, she would have totally rocked some boy shorts.

Ms. Natalie December 7, 2008 at 8:02 PM  

I think this may be one of your most hilarious blogs yet. I SO wish that I could have been there when Lucy came up dragging her drawers. HILARIOUS!!
The pictures are perfect--you will definitely have to show these to her prom date!

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