First Day

I got home around 5pm-ish.

I wore my new favorite belt.

I made a lot of parents angry because I had to be the one to tell them they had to turn right to leave and not left after they had already sat in a 45 (or longer) min. car rider line and just wanted to turn left to go home.
But traffic was backed up through an intersection that was over a mile away, and the police office told me to tell them only rights, no lefts.
All of that in the August heat. One man's car overheated, he did too and cursed out the police officer.
I only saw one person curse me--though others threw up their hands in disbelief and agitation.
None of the kids did anything especially sweet or cute to make my day. They seemed to just be there.
I watched a movie with Julie that had an ending that made us cry, except I couldn't stop at the end of the movie.
I kept crying.
I cried because I'm tired and still had work to do for a classroom for a teacher who still hasn't shown up.
I cried because I love it here and miss it and want to spend all day with what/whom means the most to me.
I cried because now is when all the things that are the most fun and the most important to me get neglected because of me being tired/overwhelmed/busy/tired/not here/frustrated/tired/ of the things I have to do to make money.
It wouldn't be so bad if it was just about teaching. Art. And if my kindergarten classes didn't have 30 kids each.
I'm sad. I think I'm just tired knowing that tomorrow I wake up and do the same exact thing all over again.
Yes, I would give up my job if I won some money, because I don't think I make enough of a difference to stay and have it be worth it. I would volunteer so that I could have fun with the kids and feel liberated and free from the other pressures/attitudes that are involved with teaching on a daily basis.
It really wasn't a bad first day at all. I just don't feel particularly upbeat about it one way or another.
Tomorrow, same thing...different students.
I'm wishing I had a donut. Krispy Kreme.