Monday, June 16, 2008

More Random Thoughts And Things About Me

**Back in college I was as skinny as a fourth grader! Ridonkulous!!

**I can't stand to let my feet hang off the bed...I guess I've just seen too many horror movies over the years.

**I will gag on a banana if I put too much of the mushy stuff in my with other non-crunchy foods. I think this started in fifth grade when two of my best friends and I were playing around at lunchtime and stuffed as much banana (way too much) in our mouths as possible, then went to spit it all out in the lunchroom stupid! That's not the only crazy food related thing that happened in fifth grade...we had the meanest math teacher ever--I wanted to like her like I wanted to like everyone, but she was just so mean and boring. Well one day at lunch she happened to be sitting about two tables away--across from mine and we were joking around with those weird little potatoes we used to get at lunch that are in the potato gravy stuff and I put one on my spoon and was pretending to flick it at my friend across from me. Well, it FLEW two tables away and landed RIGHT BESIDE the dreaded math teacher. In my best class clown speech ever, I say to her "I'm not even sure what just happened Mrs. C. the potato somehow just FLEW right off my spoon. I'm terribly sorry, this of course will never happen again." It was most excellent. :)

**The first and only time I've ever flown was with James, my boyfriend at the time, in college. I was AND STILL AM terrified of flying. James had just gotten his pilot's license and gone through all the practices and tests and wanted me to be the first non-instructor that flew with him. Of course I couldn't say no to a quasi-new boyfriend I was trying to impress. UGH. It was NOT that fun. For starters I took too much know how most people can get away with half and feel fine? I didn't know this. I took two because I wanted to be EXTRA EXTRA motion-sickness-less! Instead I felt like a crazy ass-hyped up on crack cocaine where's my cocoa puffs just got sent to rehab patient. My nervous energy mixed with the dramamine was so not a good mix. But I pulled it together, I mean this guy was CUTE and worked in the paint department at Home Depot---could repair things really well--AND had a flippin' sailboat. I hadn't known him long enough to know what was wrong with him, obviously there had to be something right?! So anyway...back to flying. Once inside the plane, I sunk down as low as I could so that I could NOT see out the window---I do have a healthy enough fear of heights and of course flying was the one thing in the world I was terrified of most. That little plane dipped down every single time we hit pockets of air that were various differences in temperature. I looked out the window ONCE and was so stoked to be back on non-moving land when we landed. All in all, it was a neat experience. I was also SUPER proud that I held my shiznick together without throwing up or wimping out...I was on cloud nine. I have not flown on any airplane since----even though I'm told over and over again that the big ones are better---I think the fear is being crowded up on all those people and trapped with them in the air or something---that and thinking that the one time I get on one will be the time it crashes. :0 Sorry the pics are tiny---they're on a scanned scrapbook page. Bigger if you click on it though.

(oh and since I know you're dying to know, James...turned out his faults were deal breakers---too materialistic, with an attitude of being better than most people and not sensitive or caring in the least when things weren't all about him.)

**I once was told by a now ex-friend that I put people on pedestals and expect too much out of them--then when they inevitably fall, it upsets me.
This statement really gets to me, and I have dissected it way too many times over the years. I still stand firm in my belief that what is so wrong with expecting a lot from people?! I don't mean material things...I don't even mean their time and energy so much. What I mean is their ability to act like a decent human, a good be the one who makes some efforts every now and then too. I think people should be held accountable some. I guess the statement bothered me because it is partially true, with some incorrect feelings behind it. Yes, I do expect a lot out of people, I guess because I expect a lot out of it seems logical. I think that over the years too and after being disappointed by enough people, I've started putting less effort in, when I used to put all the effort in. I've lost the energy and gotten tired over the years, I've wanted someone else to take over and do a little more of the work. I think I felt like if it wasn't working back then when I did enough to be labeled 'friend of the year' then what's the point now?! That's sad to me too, that I've let people eat away pieces of me like that, like a slow burning acid. Now I invest myself in a much smaller few and it seems to get smaller and smaller as the years go on. I've been told this is a natural process, but to me it always feels so unnatural. Julie says this is why she trusts and invests in a very select few...but me being the eternal optimist or just plain stupid, I still put my trust in people that technically it is probably best to not.
Life is always a lesson.


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