Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Put A Fork In Me, I'm Done.

I'm tired.
I'm tired of being the friend who doesn't receive a phone call to go do something fun, just the phone call to hear about how the something fun has been done with someone else.

I'm tired of being the people who get called for things to be done for people, but not the people who get called just because someone was thinking about us or wants to hang out.

I'm done with doing nice things, making nice things, and saying nice things only to never move up the ladder of friendship hierarchy, but instead to be pushed down further.

I'm tired of sharing the most precious, personal secrets I have, only to never be the person that someone thinks of first when they want to share anything.

We're not the friends that get called to go to a movie. We're not the friends that get called to go shopping, we're the ones who get called about going to do something fun, yet replaced by someone else when the fun is to be had.

We're the friends who get met with jellyfish comments from people we've only ever been 100% nice to.

We're the friends who plan get-togethers and fun times, only to never have it reciprocated. We used to be those planners...been done with that for a while now.

I'm done with being the last to know anything important and having to find out from other people or through some form of internet.

I'm done with always being the one who has to smile and make a big deal over something yet never receive that same sort of reciprocation when we have something to be excited about ourselves over here.

I'm done with feeling like a doormat...speak to me how you want to or ignore me how you please, wait and call me up when you want me to do something for you..I'm done with taking it all with a smile.

I did what I could and I seriously tried to be whatever people wanted or what people needed and yet it was never enough or something...it was always someone else who barely did anything at all who got all the affection or reaped the benefits. I'll never understand it really.

Julie was done a long time ago and I should have been done with her. Guess it took extra roasting for me. The sad part is that after all the nice things you could do for people, this post here will be what is talked about and remembered and that's fine. Not like the nice stuff got me very far, so should I really care what this does? Nobody's perfect and we all get tired.

This is the last time I will make what will inevitably be a mistake for putting my feelings out there. Everyone is always all about self preservation or taking care of their family above all else. This is me finally joining the club, self preserving...I have a family and this is me taking care of it. I'm done.


K2daK June 9, 2009 at 1:34 PM  

That's a pretty intense post.

krista June 10, 2009 at 12:49 AM  

what's a 'jellyfish comment?'
it sounds oddly intriguing.

preach, sister! preach!

((this is me being proud of you for standing up and speaking your truth))

Jessie June 10, 2009 at 12:01 PM  

I know this "post" is really none of my business, and I have no idea the situation that you are going through with "the" person the post is about......BUT I will say that I got married in 2006, and all my friends were in my wedding party. Its now 2009, and over half of my "wedding party" isn't in my life any more.

It still breaks my heart to look at my wedding photos, and not have some of those people in my life now. Sometimes though, you do have to throw in the towel and move on.

I hope things work out for you as hard as it is to give up sometimes. TRUST me I struggle with this everyday. I lost my best friend in 2006 and its been hard ever since. I haven't let go yet.

Good luck. :)

Geordy and Pete June 18, 2009 at 7:17 PM  

I was sad reading this.

I love looking at your beautiful photos.

Please know that I appreciate your work.

I hope you have found some sunshine.


ModDiva June 28, 2009 at 6:29 PM  

Oh how I feel you and this post. I understand it so much that I'd like to "cut and paste" it to this "friend" and send it to her. It's harsh and it's selfish but sometimes you need to cut off these "cancers' in your life and replace them with people that are true friends.Trust.. I'm going through the same thing. My mail of honor at my wedding and the first person I called when I got engaged, and when I got pregnant- I find out she got engaged by an update on FACEBOOK! How about that>> I think that's a class act! Hang in there!

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