Thursday, October 30, 2008

36 Rules

I got this from another blog as well:

The 36 Rules of Life:

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a muffin in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides nice contrast to the real world.

25. It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.

26. If you had to identify in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.’

27. There is a very fine line between ‘hobby’ and ‘mental illness.’

28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

29. You should not confuse your career with your life.

30. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

31. Never lick a steak knife.

32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment

35. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that deep down inside we ALL believe we are good drivers.

36. Your friends love you anyway.


K2daK October 31, 2008 at 1:09 AM  

WTF? So it is no secret that I listen to the player on your blog often, so it is 1:06 a.m. and I am about to go to bed, finally, and I about just died of a heart attack, I have listened to this player a lot and I have NEVER NEVER NEVER heard some guy singing over Coldplay's Yellow. So imagine I am TIRED and then all of the sudden some guy starts singing over my speakers-I jumped out of my skin and still the sound of this guy's voice is a little freaky. I was like I love this song, and then got all kinds of freaked out! At the end he just said something like that is some freaky stuff, do you know about this? Okay, I am going to go to bed and hope this isn't some strange stress/lack of sleep/crazy person moment.

monkey October 31, 2008 at 10:59 AM  

seriously. i get the history. i GET IT. but it doesn't work anymore, people. especially considering arizona and hawaii don't acknowledge it.

Lennye October 31, 2008 at 8:18 PM  

I cracked up! #1 had me rolling! Call it mid-life. #3 I've always heard like this - going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than going to McDonalds makes you a hamburger.

Loved them all...they made me smile.

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