Sunday, August 17, 2008

Unhappy Toe, Unhappy Thoughts

This little piggy is injured and unhappy. Friday night I took the dogs out and Lucy wouldn't get off the top step, so to coax her into going potty on the grass I had to walk down onto the brick paver path--she tripped me and part of my foot rolled underneath itself. I can't bend that toe now without feeling like I could fall out. And I have found that it's amazing how many times I stretch my toes or wiggle them around without realizing it...because now when I forget and do it, an excruciating pain shoots through the injured toe. I can't put pressure down on it, so I'll be walking on my heel or over on the side of my foot. Not fun.

(I thought about not writing about this next stuff, but it's been on my mind and no matter what people think or say behind my back, I want and deserve to be able to speak my mind on my blog, so here goes.)
Lately (well for months and months) I've been thinking seriously about the state of things and the future too. Getting older, etc... I've thought about how if Julie or I was to get sick with a terminal illness or if something was to happen to one of us, who would be there to help? Who would be there to pick up the pieces when things weren't sunshines and rainbows, parties and fun times? Who would be there when things are raw, ugly and hardly bearable? I've thought about how you think you know someone and then you find you don't. How you think you can count on someone, but you can't. How people are along for the ride as long as it's for surface conversation and fun, yet not wanting to be there when things are more serious. How they are all about it when you are putting forth tons of effort or filling their buckets but as soon as you tire of all the giving and no receiving they drop you like a bad habit.

I believe there's less than a handful of people that we associate with (hard to call them all friends when some are mere acquaintances) that would be there if/when things are harder. It's one of the reasons WHY you often want to have someone playing on your team, the very reason why you want someone by your side---but is extremely difficult to find and hang onto no matter how much you do on your part it seems. These issues and difficulties are why Julie doesn't bother to invest in others and why I believe I try to invest. Because, later in life I want at least a good handful that can be there when the rest of the world has walked out. I guess I wouldn't want a whole lot of responsibility and emotional burden to fall onto one person. This is also a good reason to NOT be an only child--but that's something I unfortunately had no control over. If I'm aiming for a good handful, I think I still have more searching to do.


Lennye August 17, 2008 at 10:02 PM  

Monkey and Bean, I don't know that any of us have more than a handful of people who could be there to offer support. I love my step-mom and would do anything for her, but distance keeps me from being there to clean house and cook meals. Yet, there is a woman in town who I know needs everyones support as she deals with cancer and I don't do all I can do.

It is funny you wrote about this, after church Dan and I had the same conversation. How important is a support system? Is it more important to women than to men? Who would we call? Must be the day for deep thoughts!

I'm sorry your toe hurts, take it from one who experiences large amounts of foot is no fun!! Also, you might be suprised to know the folks who would be there are the ones you would least expect!

monkey August 18, 2008 at 1:57 AM  

one: your hurt toe looks so cute with its sad face.
two: i don't think it's possible to really know who will be there and who won't. sometimes, the ones you think will hold your hand when you need it most are unable/unwilling to do so. but at the same time, others will pop up that aren't even on your radar. i know we've learned this after having a baby. we've needed some help and it's interesting to see who is too busy/too uninterested/etc.
i, too, have been thinking a lot about the ways in which people come and go in our lives and how friendships are sometimes harder to navigate than romantic relationships.

Sarah B. B. August 18, 2008 at 7:35 PM  

Totally agree with Monkey #2 that friendships are harder than relationships - from experience! I had the rare luck of getting to start over with a clean slate awhile back, and it's interesting to see how much better that turned out (wink, wink, nudge, nudge...).

K2daK August 18, 2008 at 9:03 PM  

My bubble has been bursting lately too, but on a different level.

I like to think I know who would be there, but #2 is right, you sometimes get surprised.

I'll be honest I thought being at a smaller school having #2 would be like everyone coming over and visiting or calling, but in truth only a few people called, it let me know where things really stood. (OMG THE CURE!!) I am the type of friend that is there through and through, if you were to fall sick tonight I would be there to vacuum up all your dog hair without complaint. Goodness knows I would drop just about anything for my friends when they need it.

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